CHALLENGES OF CHANGE –THE ROAD AHEAD

My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”
― Steve Goodier

Strategising and implementing life changing decisions bring about it all sorts of emotions when the dream becomes the reality and nothing is more emotional when it means having to say goodbye to years of a life and embark on a whole new road.

The words of Steve Goddier are so true – our strength comes from our experiences both good and bad and we are the sum of every obstacle that we have had to overcome from the time we were born to the day that we are “present” in.

So what gets us through these huge mountains that we face when leaving one life behind and starting another, with no soft landing only uncertainty, as to whether this will work-out?  No fall back situation – this is it – make or break!  Key to change is attitude and attitude is influenced by many factors which determine whether you have a half full cup or a half empty cup – I believe in the following:

“THE ability to let go” – In my instance the act of clearing out physically brings with it a huge amount of emotion. It is impossible to do this just by rote, the mental kicks in whether we want it to or not. Some of my deepest wounds and some of my greatest happiness moments are tied up in pictures, clothing, locations and memories and clearing out brings with it a bitter sweet sense of belonging and longing and the pain of change – change that will bring with it a new set of memories.

Relish these moments, indulge yourself for as long as you want as once you destroy the letter or give the picture away, or hand over the keys of your house, and your office, they don’t come back – and you have to move on having grieved for the life you have had with a joy and an expectation of only good things to come. 

One of the hardest things that I had to let go of was my anger at my husband for leaving me and the children. Not that it was his fault – he drowned in a fishing boat accident when he was 37, the only one killed out of 8 people who were thrown overboard when the boat was overturned by a massive wave when going out through the surf.

I don’t visit cemeteries they do nothing for me from the time I found myself digging through the stones on the grave to get to him so I could “kill” him for what he did to us, only to realise that he was not there and there was no place for me to put my anger.

My children were angry with me for letting him go on this trip and I had to deal with the “why did I not stop him” when I had never stood in his way in terms of his love for fishing – who knew this love would end his life.

So know with this new move to a new country I have to let go of him mentally as I will not be in the same country as his body is even if I do not visit cemeteries. I am rereading all his letters to me when we were courting as, while I love my children, I just feel what we wrote to each other is just for us and so I will “let go” and finally destroy them after 33 years.

I have been blessed with a partner for the last 16 years who has his own memories of his life and has never felt threatened by mine. So it enables me to indulge myself and take a final road map back on our lives together and say goodbye when I finally leave-  letting go.

 For me the next step was ………………